Following the lead of many Americans, African orphans who have lost both parents to AIDS have been donating the money raised for them to children of victims killed in the attacks of September 11th. Like many Americans who never considered African AIDS orphans to be a cause worthy of donation--but did find it in their heart to give to Twin Tower orphans--most African orphans understand how the Twin Tower children are much worse off and thus, much more in need of monetary aid than themselves.

"No amount of money can bring back a child's parent. But if a child knows that their college tuition is paid, he or she will feel a lot better," said Kenyan orphan Mutheru Ubatto, through an interpreter. "I, of course, have no chance of going to college or even elementary school; but it's different for me because my skin reflects so much less light."

Money deemed too important for non-September-11th-related charitable causes are estimated to total up to four million dollars, and should be enough to purchase either two million blankets for African children or one thousand counseling sessions for Midwesterners traumatized by witnessing the tragic attacks on TV.

In a related story, most complaints about this article will focus on how insensitive the author is to Twin Tower orphans, while shrugging aside the offensive nature of the references to African orphans. "Eh. They can handle it," gas station owner Kyle Worther said, "I mean, if you live in Africa, you'd better know how to take a joke."