President Bush announced today that the United States is "so totally broke." "The disaster relief efforts, combined with our current economic slowdown and the tax cut, have run through our entire budget," said Bush with a resigned shrug, sporting a five o'clock shadow and an unwashed sweatshirt. "It's been really tough lately, you know?" To save money, the United States will be crashing at Canada's place "just until the country gets back on its feet."

Though Canada has expressed concerns at America's plans, Bush went on to add that the U.S. "will make no distinction between those nations who refuse to harbor America and those who harbor terrorists," before asking Prime Minister Jean Chretien to fetch him a Pepsi from the fridge.