"I thought the liberation of Kunduz would be a lot harder," said Lieutenant John Toney. "But the ending was disappointing. There wasn't a battalion of troops, or a guy throwing fireballs, or even a big flagpole to jump on top of. Instead, after we retracted the bridge and the Taliban mullah fell into the lava, a woman in a birkah came out and said, 'Thank you, US troops, but Bin Laden is in another bunker!'"

The US Army plans to go all the way back to the beginning of Afghanistan, in hopes of defeating more bosses and finding more secrets. Sources from the NSA indicate that elite divisions of Green Berets will search for the warp whistle outside Jalalabad, while the Army Rangers plan to kneel down behind the white block near the end of Tora Bora, in order to find the hidden entrance to Bin Laden's cave.