Words From the Top
The Greatest Inventor
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Get your cocks out now boys, because otherwise you're going to need to change your underwear upon hearing my amazing, mindblowingly incredible idea.

Alright, you ready? Sex...with the mouth!

Okay, okay, everybody settle down. I mean it, shut up. Take your nuts out of your mouth and listen. I came up with this idea when I was at Starbucks and I saw a woman blowing on her latte. I said to myself, hey, "You could put your dick in that!"

Two hours later my dick was covered in coffee burns and I knew I had to go back to the drawing board.

That's when I saw a porcupine eating shards of glass.

Okay, fast-forward another two hours and a quick trip to the hospital.

Needless to say I learned my lesson and began work constructing a scale model of the penis for use in later tests. Then I saw my dog licking himself.

I began experimenting. A few of the legos fell off, but the penis seemed to be okay.

I ran as fast as I could to my girlfriend's place and explained my theory to her. She flat out told me it would never work, and even if it did, she'd probably get pregnant instantly. So I ate her out, then went home.

I figured I'd go talk it over with some of my friends, but they were all at Starbucks and for some reason I'm not allowed in there anymore. With few options left, I decided a field test was in order.

Let me just say, it worked, and it was incredible. It was totally worth it.

Simon Ganz
San Quentin Prison

Top Ten Sequels to Sex Drive, the movie where this guy has to go on a long drive so this chick with do him
  1. Sex Work, where this guy has to work really hard so that chicks will do him
  2. Sex Organ, where this guy has to become a church accompanist so the deacon's daughter will do him
  3. Sex Addict, where this guy has to stop doing heroin so this chick at Narcotics Anonymous will do him
  4. Sex Machine, where this guy has to build a robot so that it will do him
  5. Sex Tuplets, where this guy has to rear six children so that his wife will continue to do him
  6. Sex Ed, where this guy named Edward has to shorten his name so this chick who can't pronounce long names will do him
  7. Sex Slave, where this guy has to sit through Amistad so his girlfriend will do him
  8. Sex Pistols, where this guy has to win a game of Rusian Roulette so this sexy gulag guard will do him
  9. Sex Bomb, where this guy has to build an IED so these 72 virgins will do him
  10. Sex God, where this King of the Gods has to turn into a swan so this chick will do him
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