Words From the Top
The Greatest Inventor
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Get your cocks out now boys, because otherwise you're going to need to change your underwear upon hearing my amazing, mindblowingly incredible idea.

Alright, you ready? Sex...with the mouth!

Okay, okay, everybody settle down. I mean it, shut up. Take your nuts out of your mouth and listen. I came up with this idea when I was at Starbucks and I saw a woman blowing on her latte. I said to myself, hey, "You could put your dick in that!"

Two hours later my dick was covered in coffee burns and I knew I had to go back to the drawing board.

That's when I saw a porcupine eating shards of glass.

Okay, fast-forward another two hours and a quick trip to the hospital.

Needless to say I learned my lesson and began work constructing a scale model of the penis for use in later tests. Then I saw my dog licking himself.

I began experimenting. A few of the legos fell off, but the penis seemed to be okay.

I ran as fast as I could to my girlfriend's place and explained my theory to her. She flat out told me it would never work, and even if it did, she'd probably get pregnant instantly. So I ate her out, then went home.

I figured I'd go talk it over with some of my friends, but they were all at Starbucks and for some reason I'm not allowed in there anymore. With few options left, I decided a field test was in order.

Let me just say, it worked, and it was incredible. It was totally worth it.

Yours,
Simon Ganz
San Quentin Prison

Top Ten Signs You Go To UC Berkeley
  1. You have a letter saying you were accepted to UC Berkeley
  2. You choose to go to UC Berkeley
  3. All of your classes are on the UC Berkeley campus
  4. When people ask where you go to school you tell them you go to UC Berkeley
  5. Stanford is your school's main rival
  6. You know where Sproul Plaza is since it's a pretty central part of campus
  7. Your school is the oldest in the University of California system
  8. The school newspaper is called the Daily Cal
  9. There is a big bell tower in the middle of your campus known as the Campanile
  10. You're easily amused by a list about how you go to UC Berkeley
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