NOVEMBER 1st, 2007

<- 10/31/07 | 11/02/07 ->
you're not fooling anyone, drug companies. except the billions you've fooled
Autistic, or just strange? Take the quiz!

New Study Promotes More Aggressive Autism Testing

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD PHARMACY (DS) - A recent study, funded in part by benevolent pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline, suggests one and two-year-old children be tested more aggressively for autism. Tests should occur twice during the first year, three times during the second year, and once more every time the incredible scientists at GlaxoSmithKline improve all of our lives by releasing another autism-related pharmaceutical product. In their unending wisdom, GlaxoSmithKline has provided parents and parents-to-be with a handy checklist of signs that your child may be autistic.

  • Rarely smiles
  • Smiles too much
  • Smiles at Dane Cook
  • Dislikes the taste of sweets
  • Dislikes liking things
  • Dislikes the taste of the GlaxoSmithKline family of life-enhancing products
  • Poops in urinals
  • Refusal of simple tasks
  • Refusal of Newton's 3rd Law
  • Refusal of doctor's suggestion of any number of GlaxoSmithKline's world-brightening pharmaceuticals
  • Mumbles incoherently
  • Mumbles loud and clear
  • Talks at any rate or volume
  • Poor marks at school
  • Excellent marks at school
  • Isn't already on a prescription drug

GlaxoSmithKline: Making the world better through your money.

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