AUGUST 14th, 2007

<- 08/13/07 | 08/15/07 ->
I apologize to this family but it's their own fault
Above: Karl Rove With His Family, Only He is Allowed to Look Into the Camera

Karl Rove Retires to Be With His Family, Whoever They Might Be

D.C. (DS) -- Yesterday morning an emotional Karl Rove submitted his resignation to the president and announced to the press that he would be leaving the White House in order to "spend more time with his family." Unfortunately, upon driving his 1999 Ford Taurus out of the White House parking lot for the first time in 7 years, Rove was unable to recall who exactly he was returning home to or where his presumably palatial house might be located.

"Well shit, this is a problem," remarked Rove. "I just sort of said the whole 'go be with my family thing' because I'd heard a lot of other guys say it. Do I even have a family?" After being furnished with an address by his secretary, Mr. Rove then drove to a Virginia estate apparently owned by himself and occupied by his wife. "Wow, pretty nice," he said. "Is that a marble staircase? Oooh, I have a son? Double cool."

The transition hasn't been totally smooth. Rove has made several early social gaffes, such as when he demanded that his wife and son contribute $1000 dollars a plate to him at their first family dinner together. He also has spent a disproportionate amount of time courting the support of his family's Hispanic housekeepers in the hopes of improving his long term position in the home.

Asked what he would do with all his new spare time, Rove was wistful: "Well, I figure I'll get to meet the neighbors, my wife, my son, maybe plot an intricate plan to destroy them at the grassroots level. You know, family stuff."

In Other News