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Words from the Top
Being Smart Is Easy
Stupid people always complain about how hard it is to discover something or invent something or remember what time Gilmore Girls is on. And smart people, I'm told, watch PBS and listen to NPR. If they were so smart, they'd like things cool enough to have more than three letters. Like pot.
Now I'm not a smart man, but I'm not dumb either. I'm a fricking genius. It's hard to explain in words exactly how smart I am without spelling those words entirely with tiny equations and graduation caps.
T.S.M.I.T.W.
It's hard being the Strongest Man in the World. Most people would brush this assertion off, saying something like "No, it's not." What they don't realize is, I plan to take their wallet and piledrive them into a steam grate for questioning me. So you see GÇô it's so very lonely at the top of Olympus.
One of the worst parts about being T.S.M.I.T.W. (The Strongest Man in the World) is that your friends always expect things from you.
A Guide to University Speech Codes
Concordant with the rise of political correctness in academia, many universities around the country are starting to implement "speech codes" to educate any ignorant peoples that attend such institutions. This seems a perfect fit for Berkeley, as our new "Principles of Community" are a learning tool for all the retards out there.
Following is a list of phrases considered incorrect under the new Principles of Community, complete with suggestions to improve them.
The Three Investigators and the Adventure of the Dead Pope
Jupiter, Pete, and Bob were walking down a busy city street.
"It sure is great to be here visiting scenic Rome," said Pete breezily, as the three entered the heart of the Vatican. "And it's great that your grand-uncle got us tickets to see the Pope." Bob's grand-uncle was a famous Cardinal, which is a special helper for the Pope. The Pope is the head of the Roman Catholic Church, directly appointed by God to be in charge of everything. |
Top Ten Things to Do to Piss Off an Anti-Semite
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