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I'm a Liar
It's not that I'm a liar, it's just that I'm often tricked into lying. And nothing makes me lie more than conversing in a foreign language. Well, maybe dead whores.
Practicing verbal skills is essential in a foreign language class. During an exercise of similar design in a class of similar purpose, I recently ran into a similar situation detailed below: Peer: Hast du in einem Dschungel gewohnt?
Hubert, Legacy of a Hobo
I've spent the last thirty years of my life studying the dying American institution of the rail-riding, trash-can-raiding, squirrel-eating hobo. I'd never met one in person until I ran into Hubert Johnson Hackensack in Saginaw, Michigan after he darted in front of my car. Soon we got into a long and animated conversation and he told me his story. While he declined to be interviewed and expressly made clear that he wanted to keep his story private, I tape-recorded our discussion and will publish it in my upcoming book Hubert: From Sea to Shining Sea.
To Our Loyal Heuristic Squelch Reader:
We would just like take this space to say thank you, because it's you that makes us the biggest and the best magazine on campus. Because we care about you, we make eight Heuristic Squelch promises that you can always trust. That way, you know that what you're reading is the best, safest, and least infected magazine on campus.
Heuristic Squelch Promise #1Reading our publication will not hurt your soul.
Angering God
As I philosophy major, one of the questions I'm often asked is, "Hah hah, good luck getting a job." Well that's not a question, asshole. A question would sound something like, "Is there a God? And if there is, explain Everybody Loves Raymond." Well there's not and I don't know. But in the vein of serious philosophical inquiry, I set out to prove whether or not a god actually exists. How could I possibly do this, you might ask?
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