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Escape Plans
Sometimes, I think of ways to escape my horrible dead-end life. First, I'd fashion a shiv from a piece of a shattered dream. Then, I'd use it to stab an inner demon and make a break for it. I'd have to make it through the dark dreamscape of my own subconscious avoiding the flaming wreckage of my romantic life, but I'd be able to find shelter in the dim memories of my once-hopeful youth. Once I get to the border of physical and social awareness of the feelings of others I'd disguise myself in the physical habits of tranquility.
A Camping Trip
6:50 pm: This sucks. Where's the rest of the crew? Tim Dog was supposed to show up 2 hours ago with Bob Cat, Gerbil John, and a case of brew. What the shit is this? It's cold, getting dark, and I've had to use all of the emergency camping TP for rolling papers. Not like I'm wasteful or anything; I was in Boy Scouts. It's just that making a bong out of a pinecone didn't work like I thought it would.
Words from the Top
Thongs: Wrong!
Ladies: it's enough with the thongs already. Time was, thongs were a magical fantasy garment that existed only in the realm of the imagination--the underwear so buttock-revealing that it could scarcely be considered clothing at all. Just a few years ago, you couldn't pay the average girl enough to wear a thong. Thongs were for strippers and whores, and we liked it that way. Bad enough when regular underwear rides up one's gluteal crack, females would say indignantly at the slightest joking suggestion of thong-wearing.
An Anti-Pot Message from A Responsible Berkeley Alum
I used to be one of you, a college student who liked to smoke pot or was considering trying it. I have some important advice. Don't smoke pot. I don't want to sound preachy, old and out of touch, but please lend me your ear.
Throw that marijuana away. It may be innocent fun for a while, but eventually you'll get hooked. Every minute of your day will be spent smoking weed, buying weed, cleaning your bong, calling your dealer, and talking about how great your life is now that you smoke weed.
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