Latest Issue!
Ransom Note

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 4.0

Available as PDF!
Top Ten Signs your Boyfriend is a Zombie
  1. Blurs fine line between gentle nibbling and cannibalism
  2. Rigamortis in all the wrong places, baby
  3. Cant dance unless the song is thriller
  4. While watching Night of the Living Dead keeps saying
  5. This guy with a gun would've killed him for sure if he'd only remembered to shoot off-screen to reload
  6. Moans before, after and during sex
  7. Picnic in cemetery on first date, charming. First dinner with parents in cemetery, creepy
  8. id software keeps asking him to come in for some motion-capture sessions
  9. Spices up sex with strawberries, syrup, and cow brains
  10. Cheated on you with your sister ... who's been dead for 15 years

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The Future of Video Game Series
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The Sims 3: Barely Makin’ Ends Meet!

Players will delight as their Sims put the “rock” back in rock bottom! Get fired from the slaughterhouse, perform comically censored but highly suggestive sexual favors for strangers, and earn enough to pay off your debt to the Rent-A-Center and feed your hilarious peyote addiction!

Super Mario No Holds Barred Cage Fighting

Scientists Yet Again Start Work on Project Other than Rocket Car
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Research and Development teams at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have reportedly begun work on a new project. When asked at a press conference how this project would affect the development of the rocket car, developers replied that the current project is “totally unrelated to the rocket car” and “much more important” and “actually practical.”

“Who the hell do they think they are?” asked Dr.

Guitar Hero Disappointed by Lack of Ass
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Local guitar hero Shawn Fallon was disappointed by the lack of women offering to have sex with him after a performance last night. Fallon, who has never played big-people guitar, assumed that his performance in the Guitar Hero video game might act as a catalyst for getting ass, analogous to the method used by actual guitarists with actual guitars. Music critic and follower of Fallon’s career

Really Hot Chick Rejected from Boalt
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Upon receiving her rejection letter from the Boalt School of Law, AOPi sister Allison Summer tragically discovered that her “Everything I Need To Know In Life I Learned From Legally Blonde” poster was total fucking bullshit.

“My application video was perfect!” she whined. “My sister and I had a pillow fight! She’s a Delia’s model! What could have possibly gone wrong?”

Plenty, according to Walter Chobdok, Dean of Admissions at the Boalt school.

Huge selection of leather sofas and sectionals. Student discounts and always free shipping available.
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