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Bear Attack

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 1.0

Available as PDF!
Top Five Jeopardy Answers in Which the Question is “Who is Jesus?”
  1. The grandson of Joachim and Anne.
  2. He came from Galilee.
  3. H. Christ.
  4. Only this man can save you now.
  5. [incredulously] Who is Jesus!?

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Atom & Eve
Online Dating for the Modern Molecule
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Atom & Eve is the first atomic dating site for Read More »

Everything Dave Matthews Does Now Annoying
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In a paper published in the scientific journal Nature, behavioral scientists at Duke University have concluded that Dave Matthews is annoying in every conceivable way, up to and including his breathing. It was catalogued as "labored" and "having a little whistle."

The team of researchers, led by Psychologist Emmet Forbes, pored over all available evidence to disprove the oft-heard colloquialism, "Everything Dave Matthews does is annoying."

Chimpanzee to Star as Next Triple X
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The producers of the Triple X Franchise recently revealed the star of the next Triple X installment: "Triple X: Master of Illusions". The film features BooBoo, a primate of the Pan Paniscus or "Bonobo" Chimpanzee species in the lead role. Opposite him is Jessica Alba, who plays a 21-year-old Brazilian scientist being pursued by a group of Swiss Rebels who are seeking to transport nuclear arms across international borders by masquerading as super models.
Sasquath Found Inside Chewbacca Costume
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Sasquatch, the mythological creature believed by many to be the missing-link between man and Serena Williams, was discovered inside a Chewbacca costume at a Star Wars role-playing costume party last Thursday night.

Sasquatch made a booming entrance into the party by kicking down host Jeremy Benthem's door with his big, mud and leaf-covered foot. After Sasquatch tried eating Benthem's cat, nervous party-goers grew suspicious of the 8'3" giant, prompting Benthem, dressed as Yoda, to say, "Friends of mine, the Wookiees are, but leave you must."

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