The Heuristic Squelch: The Heuristic Squelch

Emo-bot 2000 Meets the Press

On September 25, 2007, Apple’s much-hyped Emo-Bot 2000 was finally unveiled. In an impressive show of artificial intelligence, the robot-computer hybrid was able to conduct its own Q&A session with Wired magazine.

What are Emo-Bot’s mp3 capabilities?
Emo-Bot is capable of playing any and all of Simple Plan songs in Emo-Bot’s room with the door locked.

Primary Schools Hit Hard by Extra-Credit Crunch

The unprecedented meltdown in the U.S. sub-prime housing market has rattled Wall Street, sent interest rates soaring, and made the procurement of cheap and easy loans a thing of the past. But the ramifications of the so-called “credit crunch” extend far beyond the financial sector, threatening one of the most cherished lynchpins of the American educational system—extra credit.

Galactic Prank War Escalates

At a press conference yesterday afternoon, the Imperial Military Academy’s Chancellor Valorum revealed that the university had fallen victim to an interschool prank rivaling last year’s Great Helmet Gluing. According to the Chancellor’s press release, the school’s Advanced Blasters and Marksmanship class has been infiltrated and taught by a student from the Rebel Alliance

EECS Nude Protest Fails to Arouse Excitement, Anyone

Although intended as a highly provocative show of support for the Net Neutrality Act, a nude protest staged this week by hundreds of EECS majors failed to garner the attention of the Berkeley student body.

“Mario Savio must be rolling in his grave,” said third-year nude protester Geoffrey Hsu, in an acne-ridden statement from just outside California Hall. “People

Squelch Comedy Show December 5th!