Latest Issue!
Bear Attack

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 1.0

Available as PDF!
Top Ten Signs Your Professor's a Bear
  1. Arrives at school juggling on a unicycle.
  2. Holds controversial views on Teddy Roosevelt.
  3. Wears a little fez every day.
  4. Keeps telling you to Ursa-Minor in History
  5. Your GSI is Boo Boo.
  6. Often early or late to class due to inability to read clocks.
  7. Always fighting dogs in Elizabethan England.
  8. Finds Winnie the Pooh offensive and degrading.
  9. Takes sabbaticals every winter.
  10. His lectures are un-bear-able!

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Campus Coupons
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These coupons are redeemable on the UC Berkeley campus only. Some restrictions may apply. Reproduction of these coupons is prohibited by law. Any other use

Art History Degree Put to Use
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Art history degree holder Stephen "Stevie" Wilson put his degree to good use this weekend when he jury-rigged it for use as a dust pan.

"These Oreo crumbs spilled every-where and Julie's been hassling me about being such a slob," said an apathetic Wilson. "I was looking for something to pick them up with when I saw my degree and I thought, 'Why not?'"

This marks the fourth time the degree has been used by Wilson.

Beautiful, Rich People Attend Beautiful, Rich Event
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Last Saturday, Vanity Fair magazine held a fashion show featuring the latest styles for spring. Several stars flocked to the occasion, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Donatella Versace, Britney Spears, and all those other people whose names are always in bold in these kinds of articles. You know, the people you aren't but pathetically dream you could be, you fat ugly loser.

Natalie Portman was seen laughing her precious laugh as she shelled out $20,000 for the latest, cutting-edge thong (Dolce and Gabbana, available at Neiman-Marcus).

U.S. Sends Troops to Arctic National Refuge
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Citing the presence of Al Qaeda terror cells in the region, President Bush has ordered 200,000 US troops to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. The troops are expected to safeguard the Canadian border, displace the provisional Aleut government, and engineer a series of "security wells" and pipelines.

White House spokesman Ari Fleischer read from a prepared statement: "The CIA has collected evidence of Eskimo financial aid to Afghanistan, as well as polar bear terrorist training camps near the Bering Strait.

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Huge selection of leather sofas and sectionals. Student discounts and always free shipping available.
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