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Charlotte's Web

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 3.0

Available as PDF!
Top Ten Signs You Go To UC Berkeley
  1. You have a letter saying you were accepted to UC Berkeley
  2. You choose to go to UC Berkeley
  3. All of your classes are on the UC Berkeley campus
  4. When people ask where you go to school you tell them you go to UC Berkeley
  5. Stanford is your school's main rival
  6. You know where Sproul Plaza is since it's a pretty central part of campus
  7. Your school is the oldest in the University of California system
  8. The school newspaper is called the Daily Cal
  9. There is a big bell tower in the middle of your campus known as the Campanile
  10. You're easily amused by a list about how you go to UC Berkeley

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Realdoll
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The makers of Realdoll™ are pleased to announce the release of their long-awaited, one-sided-relationship-enhancing Reallife™ expansion series.  Finally, a way for you and your significant plaything to experience all the joys of a committed relationship with the same authentic feel and unparalleled anatomical accuracy our customers have sworn to come by.  Order in the next fourteen days and receive a year’s free subscription to our catalog plus 30% off groping and handling on your next purchase.

Movie Bombs Without Critical Cereal-Box Advertising
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            Wacky, Sass-Talking Animals, the latest computer-animated children’s film about wacky, sass-talking animals, was a big disappointment at the box office, and the studio knows exactly what went wrong: a lack of advertisements on cereal boxes.

SPORTS DESK: You Suck at Beer Pong
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Since moving into your fraternity house in late August, you have spent every other night playing beer pong. Unfortunately, due to various factors, including your alleged summer-long abstinence from alcohol, your tolerance for Natty Ice has largely deteriorated. Coupled with your naturally bad hand-eye coordination, this has caused you to fail to win a single game of beer

Protesters Plan Tree-Sitter Sit
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In an effort to challenge the University’s strict response to tree-sitters, protesters have recently announced plans to start a tree-sitter sit.

“First the University wanted to remove trees, so we had to protest by sitting in trees. Now the University wants to remove tree-sitters, so we have to protest by sitting on the tree-sitters already in the trees. It’s the

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