Latest Issue!
Bear Attack

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 1.0

Available as PDF!
Top Ten Things To Get
  1. High, Stupid, and AIDS
  2. Out and push
  3. Bent
  4. In line
  5. Down
  6. Funky
  7. A life
  8. Da Fuck Out
  9. Your shit together
  10. Tysberg Address

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The Heuristic Squelch meets Mondays at 5pm in 201 Wheeler!

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Websites: The Movie
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With Facebook’s elegiac bio-pic The Social Network generating a huge buzz, other websites are jumping on the bandwagon and filming their own origin stores. Here are the trailers: presents Judgement Day: Pastrami on Rye

[Scene opens in an empty city deli. Two idealistic young computer programmers sit down at an empty booth.]
Kevin: Jack, do you notice anything...

Southside Terrorized By Serial Pillager
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The Berkeley Police Department has announced that there is a serial pillager on the loose in the Southside area. Victims say the pillager "rides a horse," is "about 6'4", dirty, with a long, heavy sword and big boots," and resembles "a Viking." An officer said that the serial pillager has not been apprehended, and that students should immediately call 911 if they see any suspicious characters riding on horseback with sword in hand.

Students Plan Protest for Department of Pornography
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Berkeley Students Fighting For a Department of Pornography By Any Means Necessary is planning a sit-in on Sproul Plaza next week, says President Arthur Roerbacher. The group has been waging war with campus administrators and the Board of Regents for over a year in their struggle to establish a Department of Pornography. Such a department would be the first of its kind at any college or university in the United States.
Charlie Sheen was Right about Everything
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In what can only be described as a surprising turn of events, actor and former drug addict Charlie Sheen was right about everything he has declared in the past several weeks.

In response to what had previously been considered exaggerated claims, President Obama has now appointed an emergency panel of biologists, engineers, chemists, and ethicists to asses the full implications of the newly discovered superbeing.
Huge selection of leather sofas and sectionals. Student discounts and always free shipping available.
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