New Meeting Room!

Stop me if you’ve been in a situation like this: you’re out drinking with your bespectacled buddies, and you notice that hottie at the end of the bar making eyes at you. You return her gaze with a cool smile. In a transparent attempt to hide her obvious arousal, she grimaces and instinctively gropes for her rape whistle.

You already know she’s yours, baby.

Sensually removing your finger from your nose, you approach her.

At a stump speech in El Paso, Texas earlier this week, Republican presidential hopeful John McCain expressed the difficulty in selecting a running mate, as his tenuous grasp on his own mortal coil makes the decision all the more important. “I don’t have long left,” stated McCain to a crowd of reassuringly denying supporters. “No, no, now, I’m being realistic about the situation.

With his momentum skyrocketing and the March 4th primaries on the horizon, deranged white males eager to have a crack at America’s first black president have thrown their support behind Barack Obama. Speaking from a hand-built log cabin, bearded group spokesman Eugene Douglas fielded questions from reporters. “We’re thrilled to have this monumental opportunity. We see an America ready to move past its old cultural divisions.

In a move that disappointed hundreds of Major League Politics fans, the Bush administration announced this week that the 2008 election will be canceled due to the fierce downpour that gripped Washington, D.C. last Thursday.

“It’s too bad,” said President Bush (Right Field, .233). “It looked like a beautiful year, and both teams were raring to go. But since the weather turned against us, I have no choice but to remain president until the next election.