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Top Ten Things Women Do in the Bathroom Together
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New Meeting Room!Come to Meetings of the Heuristic Squelch Wednesdays, 7PM at 262 Dwinelle! Also, remember to read The Sqlog!
MTV Cribs For Pregnant Women
(Camera pans stylishly over the façade of a modest two-bedroom house in suburbia. Cue theme music, which is either Kanye West’s “Stronger” or Kanye West’s “Stronger (Remix).” The door opens to reveal a pregnant woman wearing a loose-fitting T-shirt and sandals. She smiles and waves.)
Palestinian Militants Seize Aladdin's Lamp
The Palestinian nationalist group Hamas recently announced that their January breach of the Egyptian border at Gaza was not for “food” and “supplies,” but instead for the lamp containing the Genie from Disney’s Aladdin. After a pitched battle with Egyptian soldiers bearing Kalashnikovs and scimitars, Hamas managed to obtain the lamp and carry it deep into their own territory.
McCain Hesitant to Choose Running Mate/Eventual President
At a stump speech in El Paso, Texas earlier this week, Republican presidential hopeful John McCain expressed the difficulty in selecting a running mate, as his tenuous grasp on his own mortal coil makes the decision all the more important. “I don’t have long left,” stated McCain to a crowd of reassuringly denying supporters. “No, no, now, I’m being realistic about the situation.
Future Assassins of Barack Obama Turn Out for Obama Campaign
With his momentum skyrocketing and the March 4th primaries on the horizon, deranged white males eager to have a crack at America’s first black president have thrown their support behind Barack Obama. Speaking from a hand-built log cabin, bearded group spokesman Eugene Douglas fielded questions from reporters. “We’re thrilled to have this monumental opportunity. We see an America ready to move past its old cultural divisions. |
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