New Meeting Room!

You find yourself in front of a large, ancient castle. Rain pours in sheets all around you, and a flash of lightning reveals a lever that appears to be hooked up to the castle’s door.

> pull lever

As the portcullis creaks open, you clutch your sword tightly, not sure of what

Popular fashion boutique Urban Outfitters, long known for its trendy line of street-wise clothing, shocked fashion connoisseurs and law enforcement officials alike yesterday when it revealed its intent to stock malt liquor, contraband narcotics, and firearms. “We at Urban Outfitters have long taken pride in bringing the thrill of the streets to the over-privileged youth of America, so for

Blasted for his recent assertion that “in Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attempted to clarify the nature of his comments in a press conference on Tuesday.

“It was a cry for help!” he sobbed. “Please give us gay people!”

Ahmadinejad then proceeded to enumerate the reasons why his country is suffering from its dearth of boys who like boys.

During an emergency meeting on Tuesday, the members of the Berkeley chapter of the Sixties Counter-Cultural Preservation Society announced a hike in the price of unrestrained sexual experimentation.

“It’s to be expected, man,” said red-eyed hippie economist Alfred Thundermoth, nodding sagely and stroking his yellowing beard. “Just look at the fluctuating lines on this graph of Birkenstock Prices that I just drew on the back of a napkin.