Latest Issue!
Ransom Note

Vol. 24.0 Iss. 4.0

Available as PDF!
Top Ten Signs Your Roommate Is an Old Delta Bluesman
  1. Insists on paying rent check in song
  2. Telemarketers always call for "Blind Potato Washington," when his name is actually "Blind Potatoes Washington"
  3. He keeps stealing your crawfish
  4. Won bets with the devil so many times that his soul is now invalid
  5. Every week, Eric Clapton stops by to steal his music
  6. Don't done got no replacement toilet roll
  7. His room always smells like whiskey and tears
  8. Lots of red suspenders
  9. Ken Burns always peering through the windows
  10. Sports an "Old Delta Bluesman" T-shirt, but not ironically

Come to meetings!

The Heuristic Squelch meets Mondays at 5pm in 201 Wheeler!

Also, remember to friend us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter!

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ADDERALL?
Link Stockton, Drug Dealer
Bookmark and Share

What’s got two thumbs and wants to help you graduate college?
Read More »

Students Plan Protest for Department of Pornography
Bookmark and Share
Berkeley Students Fighting For a Department of Pornography By Any Means Necessary is planning a sit-in on Sproul Plaza next week, says President Arthur Roerbacher. The group has been waging war with campus administrators and the Board of Regents for over a year in their struggle to establish a Department of Pornography. Such a department would be the first of its kind at any college or university in the United States.
Charlie Sheen was Right about Everything
Bookmark and Share
In what can only be described as a surprising turn of events, actor and former drug addict Charlie Sheen was right about everything he has declared in the past several weeks.

In response to what had previously been considered exaggerated claims, President Obama has now appointed an emergency panel of biologists, engineers, chemists, and ethicists to asses the full implications of the newly discovered superbeing.
New "Mouth-Handjob" Theorized
Bookmark and Share
A press release from the Vatican announced Monday that cardinals researching in the field of theoretical deviance have hypothesized the existence of a "mouth-handjob," a sexual act unlike any currently recognized by Vatican law.

"Imagine if you will a type of handjob performed, not with the hand, but with some other part of the human anatomy: to wit, the mouth," stated Cardinal Ludwig of the Vatican's Center for Sexual Studies.
Graphics
Huge selection of leather sofas and sectionals. Student discounts and always free shipping available.
Catch all the MLS action in Los Angeles with your Los Angeles Galaxy Tickets! We have the best prices on Galaxy Tickets